polarities

again.

finding myself in the middle of a day where everything winds up being unexpected and slotting together to form a whole picture. no plans, basic mundane expectations, and i come to be in the center of a jigsaw puzzle with only a smile on my face. maybe it's the sun. it's something that's not me, that's for sure. OR! there's the inbetween bits, where everything's at an excruciating standstill, and time is being killed each and every second. my number one problem is i need a change of scenery; to get out of the house. even if i just go to a field and read, that's enough. it's just everything beforehand that's a struggle.

i talk to boy about change, and i take it seriously, and i shed tears over it, but really can only administer it to myself if it is a complete Something that affects my life holistically. when there's nothing to do, there is no fualt in seeking company. but fault is found when in the presence of said company i am irritated at the circumstace leading up to it.

how LONG is it going to take me to get out of my patterns of laziness and procrastination!? i am not ridiculous.