antianticuring

expression leaking out from vats i never knew... surprising myself is easier than ever, and expectations haven't changed, it's me

.

it's been time, i've been occupied.
i'm happy, i'm sad, i'm so far inbetween that maybe neither of the polarities will govern over my life alone for too long

i don't know.
i'm only sixteen, i'm just a girl, i'm lost, i'm learning. can you tell i'm caught up? my cocktail of brain chemicals isn't a content one, i keep wishing i was more drunk or stoned, it's easier then. once you start modifying your head it's ok to carry on until you reach a good point, right. i'm right :p



we talked about us and the future again recently, on and off over the past few days. i like and have always liked how it's been thought out, realistic is the only way anything could work, but i know no promises can be made and when the time comes, my half will be in my hands. i almost can't wait.

i woke up with him yesterday to a very limited torrent(but a torrent nonetheless) of what ifs, it made me so sad. i told him them, eventually, he brushed away the first with a promise and the last he ignored. how dare other girls exist. pfffft. i'm rubbish, i'm green, it's ok i noticed now i can stop


the material world makes me UNHAPPY; there is nothing positive to be derived from my surroundings.
not making the most out of the material world makes me unhappy.
not making the most out of myself makes me unhappy.

happiness is built on promise and faith and trust
this is what happens when any of the cornerstones are lost

confessions of the english essay avoidant variety

i think i'm getting better at pretending to be pretty